friends are for confessional.

 I am so thankful for that listen to my strange, frightful confessions. And I am thankful for their honesty emails I receive in return after the aftermath. Thanks. Thanks Lord.

With all of this schoolwork sometimes I forget how important it is to speak. And to be heard. And to share. Thank you, thank you for beautiful friends.

"I think I have decided that most of the time when a person is trying to create art; writings, songs, paintings etc., deep down, whether they realize it or not, they just want to be understood by another human being. It's a mere outlet for that unquenchable thirst to create, yes, but also people just want to be heard. So when I get the urge to create sentences and move around words in whimsical ways, to let go of this deep desire to make sense of how I feel, it seems to come out better when I am writing to someone specific. I know that whoever it is, is going to read the words and hopefully understand life, beauty, or me a little bit better. And that makes a difference.

I think we all have so much inside of us that is bursting to get out. It sometimes hurts me to be sitting in one of those moods where I need to create but nothing that is happening is stifling the desire, it's not being understood, even by me. I think a key to letting go of all the thoughts and desires and feelings within us is just sharing whatever seems to come out, whether it makes sense in the moment or not. Just the thought that someone is listening, unlocks something within us. I think it makes us try a little bit harder. It is sad to think of how we settle into a mediocre laziness when we are on our own. We need a little comparison and potential embarrassment to kick us in the ass. To make us start living to even a sliver of what we actually can become. 

I guess a lot of what we discuss comes full circle, accountability, confession, priesthood of all believers, being SEPARATED and crawling, clawing on an uphill slick surface to our loyal loving creator.

Finding anyway we can to understand anything at all, and to make Him proud to be our father. 

So maybe our desire to create stems solely from our desire to give back something as beautiful as what he gave us. And trying desperately to feel like we deserve it. 

ALSO

Hearing truth that is not opaque, that is cloudless, is like staring straight at the sun. Metaphor fogs truth a bit and helps us to make out the shape of the sun when our eyes tear up and we need shade to see the light. "