The Northern Sea.

The Northern Sea. That's where we're at right now.
That soupy ugly grey. Those terrible waves. That paralyzing cold.





Or perhaps it's like getting hit with a person-sized water balloon that didn't pop.

Something I love about Harry Potter is the fairy tale thing Beuchner talks about in Telling the Truth.

We don't know who the good guys are sometimes. We don't know who the bad guys are sometimes. It isn't until the end until everything is illuminated, if you will.

I love how Harry, Ron and Hermione go through hard times. Sometimes one friend loses trust in another of their friends and then the last friend fights for their reconciliation.


I love how Mr. Crouch seems like a bad guy, but in the end he's highly misunderstood and genuinely good -and no one would ever know. Sometimes I feel like this.


Or how Sirius is thought to be a raging mad killer when really, he absolutely loves justice and righteousness.

I love how what Dumbledore says goes. I love that Dumbledore trusts Harry, and Ron, and Hagrid, and even Snape. I think Dumbledore knows their hearts, and he trusts because he knows what they are capable of.

I like to think about Jesus like this. He's like Dumbledore. I think tonight a lot happened with someone I care about a lot. I think that we don't have all of the answers yet. I hate that. I hate that things get bad sometimes, especially with someone you care about a whole whole lot.

But I think we're both right. I think he's right. I think he's incredible and wonderful and one of the greatest people I've ever met, and I think his decision is one worthy so much more respect. He isn't like any other boy.

And then there is myself. I've got to grow up. I've got to say something and stand on it. I know what I want. I just have to never ever look back again. And I think it's going to have to be just this determined will. Sarah Willing said two people can be made successfully clean, apart. And. I think that's true. I don't owe anything to the one I am responsible for ruining, in a way. And there is freedom in that. I can choose. We get to choose.

And we're floating in this grey ocean. And it's awful. And unfortunately, I can't trust. I can't give. I just can't yet. I think it's a slow, string by string process for me. I don't know why I feel so broken.

but like dumbledore, Jesus is there, and he lets us float in the ocean. He believes in us.

When Harry and Hermione, or Hermione and Ron get into a serious spat and they don't talk for weeks at a time, you know it's going to be okay. You know, because they exist on this plane of Love. We exist on this plane of Love. We disagree with each other, but I think we all come back down to this, as we cut each string and piece together this puzzle, that we never should have hated or felt hated all along, because we exist in Love.

As C.S.Lewis always says, and foremostly I say "I am in Love and out of it I will not go."
Oh Lord, help us to sort out the other things.

Put things in order, listen to my appeal, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the saints greet you. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with all of you.
2 corinthians 13