"God became man to turn creatures into sons: not simply to produce better men of the old kind but to produce a new kind of man. It is not like teaching a horse to jump better and better but like turning a horse into a winged creature. Of course, once it has got its wings, it will soar over fences which could never have been jumped and thus beat the natural horse at its own game. But there may be a period, while the wings are just beginning to grow, when it cannot do so: and at that stage the lumps on the shoulders-no one could tell by looking at them that they are going to be wings-may even give it an awkward appearance" c.s.lewis m.c.
Awkward lumps on our shoulders. But this doesn't mean we shouldn't keep going.
Sometimes we'll mess up "do not be afraid; you have done all this evil, yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the with Lord with all your heart; and do not turn aside after useless things that cannot profit or save, for they are useless. For the Lord will not cast away his people, for his great names sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make ou a people for himself." 1 Samuel somewhere (around the week of July 13 in the bcp)
Sometimes I feel God cup my face in my hands sometimes and say "Hey you're alright little lady. Don't let this get in the way." and he smiles and his voice gets soft and quiet "Keep coming. Keep following."
And I will. It's so hard. I'm awful at it. But I will. And I hope the tucker team will. I hope we follow him, even when we fail this coming year, even when everything we wanted doesn't happen, my prayer is that we would follow.
We've got awkward lumps on our shoulders, but grace is never frustrated. Because Grace is real we press through these interruptions and our awkward bumbling sinful selves.
Tonight at trinity we sang this and it kind of means the same thing
"In lowliness you came on earth
To rescue us from Satan's snares
O wondrous love that healed our wounds
By taking up our mortal cares"
He healed our wounds. Nia, standing next to me, sang heals our wounds. I thought, yeah. today. I will sin, today. Heal my wounds, help me take it. Here are my mortal cares. Grace makes this work.
Part 2.
Grace is the ocean that God would have us live and breathe and move and have our being in. We have to learn how to be mermaids though. It's slow. This death of my sinful self is so slow. So. Slow.
My friend Isaac and I went to a waterfall a couple months ago. He told me water was something that stirred his affection for God. Whenever he was feeling distant, he'd go be near water. I realized I do that a lot too. So. We started this journey of why? Why do we do that?
We came up with..it's kind of the Spirit. It's kind of our life blood. It's kind of...grace.
Three weeks ago, ask me if I liked water. Or. Swimming really. I would have said hell no.
These past days I have been craving. CRAVING to get in the river. My first day off of work, I'm going. I want to go tomorrow after work. I want to swim. My whole self wants to swim. Really to float and to be somewhat out of control. I won't be standing on my own feet anymore.
I think being in the water is vulnerable. And I think, for the first time in my life, want to be in the water. Not sitting on the side thinking about it. I need to be in it.
In fact. I think God made us to be like mermaids.
I have a lifejacket on. But one day, that is gonna come off too, slowly, slowly as I trust he's going to take care of me, despite all of my fear and all of my terrible terrible shortcomings, He is so good :) And water makes us vulnerable.
Yes.
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