knowing things.

I've been sitting on this couch for four hours. Most of that time, passed with my beautiful dear roommates. Talking about wedding invitations and Shakespeare (not the author, but the attractive bartender who will one day pen a book about the beauty of beer) and Joseph (the Bible one) and the Jewish Apocolyptic vs. the Restoration Eschaton (which is a really fun thing to talk about).

I have been unrequitedly humbled this week. And. Am. Still.
The things I hope to be good enough at, the things people tell me I'm gifted in, turns out, those good things don't work on everyone. There will always be someone smarter than me, and better at well....all of everything.

And it's okay. It feels funny when one day you think you are good at something and that maybe...maybe you have something to contribute to this world that always is open to some contribution, and you realize

you are kind of....kind of just that 5 year old making noise.


Leaving college, I don't think I leave with anything to really give back to the world.

I only leave knowing that the world is so much bigger than I will ever comprehend.

I leave knowing that there is always something to learn, always a question to be asked.

I leave knowing that people are brilliant. Brilliant in a way that I could never be and I admire them so.

I leave knowing that people are kind. Sometimes they are scared, but mostly they are kind.

I leave knowing that I am scared, that I am guarded. That I desperately seek Love.

I leave college knowing that I need people. I need them.

I leave knowing now, that every one has to take chances. Every person has to jump off the rock, go swimming in the river in the dark under the stars after midnight.

We have to climb the cliffs and explore the caves and climb the trees and organize caravans to canyons.

We have to stay up late and suffer from exhaustion sometimes.

I leave knowing that 84.9% I will be lost. But one day I will be found.

I leave knowing that I am capable of hurting people, really hurting people. And that I should be careful.

That hate is never worth it.

I leave knowing that love is sometimes only provision and at other times only presence.

I leave knowing that people will love you. They will love me.

I leave knowing myself. That Breakfast and Morning are the best parts of a day (and evenings in early Spring when it gets cool at night and the flowers give up their smells and you go on long bikerides on sleepy roads...well outside of the city).

I know that Colorado will never stop calling, that feeling in the back of the throat.

I know that watercoloring is important.

I know that baking is where my hands feel at home, the ryhthm in my arms is something I was born with.

I know that my Mother will always be my mother, and my Father, my father.

I know that my brother is a hero, and my friends are my faith at times.

I know that I need quiet, but that being present with others is always better. (Damn you interovertedness).

I know that children are beautiful. I know that I'd like to be a mother one day.

I know that I'd like to see Ireland. And Africa. And France. And Australia.

I know that I need people.

Even more that I need Jesus.

These are things I know.

Now. It's 2:20 a.m. and I think I will write my paper. A paper I don't know anything about.