out.of.my.mind.

Do you know the easiest part of the gospel of Jesus for me to believe?
The part that says the wages of sin is death (see Romans 6:23).
I take that to mean when Adam and Eve, when Chernobyl happened in the Garden, from that point on Adam and Eve began to die, not only physically, but in their souls, too, because they had been separated from God.
It makes sense that if a plant separated from the sun, it dies, and that if people are separated from God, they die. And so now it feels as if we live on a planet where there is just a little water left, poisoned as it is, and we all are trying to get it and drink it so we can stay alive. But what we really need is God.
What we really need is somebody who loves us so much that we don't worry about death, about our hair thinning, about other drivers pulling in front of us on the road, about whether people are poor or rich, good-looking or ugly, about whether we feel lonely or about whether or not we are wearing clothes.
We need this; we need this so we can love other people purely and not for selfish gain, we need this so we can see everybody as equals, we need this so our relationships can be sincere, we need this so we can stop kicking ourselves around, we need this so we can lose all self-awareness and find for ourselves for the first time, not by realizing some dream, but by being told who we are by the only Being who has authority to know, by that I mean the Creator.
-don mill.

I'm going to stop believing the lie that I don't have enough time for being in His presence. I'm going to turn that around. Sheesh. But what we really need is God. How heavy those words settle down into the bed of my soul. What we really need is God. What we really need....what we really need is God. More than bread and water.

And I'm going to stop trying to figure out myself, trying to figure out how God "made me" to be a certain way.

He calls us to follow, to deny ourselves (I suppose since he loves who we are already we don't need to figure out why we are so cool, God has said it, I'll just trust him and stop wasting my time with myself, start doing what he says to do?).

C.S.Lewis says this:

“Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.” 

Following Jesus, honestly, without a staring at yourself in a mirror the whole time. That's what I'd like to be one day.

What we really need, what we really were made for is God.